I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
