i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
