I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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