Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
too bad you live with your parents still
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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