Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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