The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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