i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
