hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
