Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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