You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
