I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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