Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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