im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
