Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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