he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
FUCK WHALES
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
