Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
