Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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