My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
