i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You ate ashes out of my bong
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
