i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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