I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
