Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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