I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
