Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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