Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
