i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
