As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
