I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
