The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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