So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
