My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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