i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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