I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
