Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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