Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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