woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
