Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
