if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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