There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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