well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
