Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
