can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I smell like Dick and happiness
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
