How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
