hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
