Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
