i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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