I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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