Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
