I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
