names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bring me that man meat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
