he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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