This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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