This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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