If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
