I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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