You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
