god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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