Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there

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(503): View more from Oregon

The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket

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