Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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