they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major