Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
