New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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