i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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