Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket