she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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