Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills