You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.