I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
