Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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