I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
