Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
