quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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