Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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