i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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