he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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