He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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