Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
