At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
