come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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