Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
