I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
