Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
