sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
