well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
